Gift, Gifting and Gift-errs

Disclaimer:
The views expressed here are strictly personal and any resemblance to people living is seriously incidental. :D


I believe marriages are great but then so is the nightmare that precedes it. Gifts!!! I decided to do something different for my friend. Now shopping the traditional way for gifts for a wedding is good, but somewhere along the long list that you have painstaking made you realize that your friend is going to end up with more than three quarters of the things on the list, sometimes in doubles and triples.

I seriously was against the idea of another pressure cooker or a new shirt or for that matter a figurine of God! That is when another friend and I decided to brainstorm over what we could buy our friend who was happily putting us through this nightmare!! We decided on a number of things ranging from Champagne to a party at a beach resort to a sexy top. All in vain, we couldn’t see my friend and her fiancé enjoying with any of those things.

Now when we come to weddings it can get extremely tricky as to what could be termed as unusual and sentimental and that which fall under the heading usual and practical. After all a wedding is a special occasion when a person you have shared wonderful memories is embarking on a new journey and marks the start of a different equation in your friendship.

Sipping chilled beer and hogging on fries we came upon this idea of thinking from another perspective. We went back to college days and came up with a list of all those classmates of ours who would have been creative in their own way leaving a trademark on their gifts...

Ideally we decided to divide people in to The Usuals and Unusuals. Half of them in the Usuals and the rest, well they could be the Unusuals. The Usuals were those who fell in the category of gifting which promoted groups such as ‘I like gifting appliances and figurines to people on their wedding!’

One of our first discussed groups was those who could be extremely interesting gift-ers. They would think a lot and give something which could be practical and at the same time be a reminder of old carefree days. They normally customize gifts to suit their relationship with the couple and would like to leave a little of the past, present and future along with their best wishes. This group consists of friends whom you could call at 3 am in the morning and say, ‘my wife threw me out please can I sleep on your sofa’!!!

Then there are those who would call up others and ask, BTW what are you gifting and can I make a contribution! Why break your head when someone can do that job for you? They are a funny lot, lazy enough to do the hard work but highly opiniated. Why don’t you get that gift, this isn’t my style, why this colour, that isn’t my favourite design, and the list goes on. Expecting them to be silent partners in the gifting process is the biggest mistake once could make, next only to agreeing to put their name on the gift!

Then there are those who would think of something so elaborate that the receiving couple would be overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of it!!!Guess when it comes to returning the gift the receivers would rather not attend the function itself!

Of course we can’t miss out those who were so popular for their ever ready advice and gyan that it might just manifest in to a self help book like – How to bore people in 10 different ways in order to counter boredom!!! At this point I would like to mention that people change and their ideas of self help also changes so one shouldn’t be overly looking forward to advice on countering boredom but instead expect the person to deliver a speech at your reception. Just imagine, you are at the height of boredom smiling and posing for photos with random people you haven’t met for ages and in most cases won’t be meeting again and here comes someone on a long speech on self help!!!

Another set of people are those who attend weddings with the single motto of having a good time laughing and eating the lavish spread at the dining hall. Well these kinds of people are the ones who are extremely different. Their entire idea of gifting is let’s give something that the couple or their families would never forget. And lo behold they become amateur Vir Sanghvis and go around tasting and criticising the food, which was the actual reason they were in the wedding!

But with so many wedding invites this season, I am the last person who should be writing this. I enjoy weddings and make sure each one is different experience. For me gifting is an art and conveys your innermost feelings. A simple card with best wishes is also a good option if your friend is someone who shares similar thoughts. But I have to wholeheartedly confess, gifting exclusive and personalized gifts is a task, nevertheless one I enjoy investing time and energy into. After all I won’t be very wrong in assuming to receive at least 10% payback on my special day!!!

The day dawned and I packed my bags to fly…

2 years is a long time, if life changes and just a pittance if things are hunky dory. With an aim to dream and achieve, I left college on a voyage unknown. A journey of uncertainty, upheavals and above all untested waters- The decision to join LSE!

Let me move to an action replay mode and go back to circa 2008, a year that changed my life by leaps and bounds. The decision to join a prestigious school in U.K. can be very unnerving, a mixture of hope, excitement and fear in equal measures. I have to thank my family who gave me the one thing that would make the difference, a chance!

LSE happened at a very appropriate moment in life. Things weren’t heading anywhere and I was being bogged down by a lot of emotional baggage and the offer to study was like a ray of hope. LSE gave me the opportunity to widen my horizon and learn beyond traditional boundaries. It was time to spread my wings and take flight. A flight to a far away land, tones of happiness and a bagful of pain (the added spice of life).

Well to start with most of us (all my fellow LSE offer holders) spent our pre departure days acquainting ourselves with each other and shared weird stories from the decision to apply to getting a room to stay in LSE halls. I had nothing much to share till the day before I flew out as I received a room confirmation at the twelfth hour. I have to admit, though we were a heterogeneous group of people, I made some really-real- friends during the pre LSE days.

Reaching London and settling in my hall of residence was a process by itself and was full of surprises, laughs and an occasional tiff (which I would have loved to describe as a difference of opinion). I doubt if my friends would disagree, but there was never a dull day, unlike the dowdy weather outside, during my entire stay at Passfield Hall. Over a large English breakfast, the endless refills of coffee or tea and portions of a nice mixed dinner which were never enough, I bonded with some amazing people.

The best part of staying in hall of residence was about being a part of a melting pot of diverse culture and varied backgrounds. A learning ground to know more about your foreign pal or next door neighbor, their culture and the unique characteristics that they bought to LSE. Be it Diwali or Halloween, Christmas or Holi we all pitched in to celebrate each fest as our very own. It was truly an enriching episode.



Cooking is something that I don’t fancy much (and all those who think that all gals should like cooking, go take a cookery class), but cooking for a bunch of friends was not only interesting but also satisfying. Those moments spent in the warm kitchens of the hall catching up on daily news will always stay with me. As part of hall memories I would like to mention those marathon drinking sessions, but I guess will leave people to recollect them rather than mention those hilarious outcomes in detail here.

Moving on let me introduce certain very special people who made my stay in London memorable. Sorry no names only personal traits that distinguishes them from others and I guess most of you would know whom I am referring to.

To be extremely frank I have always had very few close friends on whom I could rely and expect them to be there for me. And yes I found some more in LSE. I think they aren’t aware how lucky I am to have them in my life and what it meant to have them stand by me at all times. That’s an entirely different issue that some wouldn’t even offer tea or coffee when you land up at their place. Instead would ask you to make them a cup of hot chocolate!

Also some who were extremely hell bent on proving themselves right, that they may sometimes forget what they are trying to prove. Then you have those who call up for pep talk (counseling sessions) at midnight owing to home sickness. Not that I objected, infact it helped me combat my very own in a different way! Then came those who sat with you in silence and let you rant and rave and in the end smile and say ‘it’s alright’. Things will be fine tomorrow.

Evidently there is more to this list… Some got so busy with their new lives (maybe busy running away from old ones) that they ended up distancing themselves and then also complained, where were you? Some who went into over analyzing mode and ended up getting worked up. And last but not the least all those who wanted to say something but essentially kept quiet. Ah! The irony of life, subtlety sometimes doesn’t work.

Of course I have to mention the radio jockeying I undertook with a friend and all those Wednesday evenings spent agreeing to disagree on the show script that enabled us to bond beautifully. Don’t know if any of our friends at London heard us on radio, however our families back home surely did. That when you realize the term home and how each moment spent away from home is precious and needs to be treasured to understand the need for a family.


Come December and as the hall emptied out a few us enjoyed a very English Snowy Christmas. Of course life as I said before is not always hunky dory. I started having problems. My back stared giving me trouble and slowly the spark of life started to ebb from me. March 2009, is the month I would hate as well as never forget. It robbed me of lot things, particularly the right to lead a healthy normal life. I started losing on the chance to enjoy with friends, on time to reach out to my dreams, an opportunity to prove oneself, but above all it saw me inch towards the gates of hell (I guess I wouldn’t be welcomes in Heaven).

My pain went from bad to worse and then there was nothing I could do except hope that the next morning won’t be as bad as the previous night. Nevertheless that never happened. Each night was torture and every morning was a nightmare. It was during these days that my surrogate family as I would like to call my friends supported and cared for me. Be it a 3 am coffee or a 1 pm lunch they made sure I was in lesser pain. They helped me curb and save my self confidence and independence which were seeping out of me like a broken water tap.

The day dawned and I packed my bags to fly back home to my family hoping that I would recover from this ordeal. As I left the shores of U.K. I had never imagined that the next few months would cheat me of two precious years of life. From hell to back is an experience. An incident I wish no one has to endure, ever.

But all was not lost, it taught me a lot of words which I knew existed in the dictionary but how it is in reality is part of the learning process. Patience a virtue which can be very frustrating, humility and aspect of life which is difficult to accept, respect a feeling of admiration for something we always take for granted- our lives. It was however the power of love that has amazing healing powers.

Today I want to be a healer who can spread joy and hope in to peoples’ dark lives. I wish to be a person who can bring a smile on to lost faces. Be it a friend or foe, I hope to have a new beginning and certainly a new end too. What is vital is that I be there when it matters the most. Stay put and we shall all see the new dawn together. As I said earlier it’s never too late to change the ending.

Its all abt you me and us!!!

As I stand at the threshold of moving in to another era of my life, I truly feel like the child who grew up with loving parents and an equally lovely extended family. I say extended as I was lucky to have both my family and friends with me till I could develop to be the individual I am today.

Looking back in to the past is equally difficult, as looking in to the future is. While your future is full of dreams, the past is a pack of nightmares. It’s unnerving to know that as you look back you see mistakes, harsh judgements, grudges, petty misunderstandings and quarrels that hold nothing but a sense of incompleteness in you. But returning in time also is a pleasurable feeling as it gives you a glimpse of fun, joy, no inhibitions, laughter and above all a sense of freedom.

The day has been a myriad of colours and at times orange, with a soft wind blowing that keeps the freshness of retreating monsoon alive in my heart. As I sit down to pen down my memories, I suddenly have this urge to have a steaming cup of tea. Tea- one three letter word and it reminds me of that ‘cutting chai’ typical of Mumbai, in the lane behind college, where I found a lot of solace and some nice tea too. I know this might sound unlike, but be it summer or winter or for that matter the best part of monsoon, the chai wala was always a better bet for me, instead of the juice centre just at the turning of the footpath. Guess sandwich across the road, at the ‘katta’ was another loved feature of growing up.

Before I venture in to the details of my post teen years, I feel a comment on my foundation years is necessary at this juncture. School, for each one of us is new home where we learn everything about the world around us. Make friends for lifetime, who remind you of every small mistake you did and praise you for every achievement!
It’s been a decade since I left school and moved forward towards my life’s goals (don’t know yet what they are) yet I return to school days again, as each time I think back, I resurface with a treasure of memories untold.

Moving on, my college days were real eye openers. Each day was different and each person I met is an experience I could speak of. Some just happened to pass through,whom I fondly call acquaintances and some who refused to pass through and stayed put - friends!!

Friends laugh, cheer, judge, criticize, share dreams and sorrow or plain listen when you need an ear or lend a shoulder when you need to cry. Sometimes they are just there without any rhyme or reason!

My adult years, (yeah, I did vote once to prove I was allowed!) were the ones that taught me all the subjects that were an additional aspect of me choosing a social science school for my postgraduate programme. I learned the meaning of friendship, albeit with a liberal dose of self interest, miscommunication, drama, histrionics, subtle undercurrents, groupism, politics, one-upmanship but above all trust! Of all the mentioned, trust was always a little scarce. In fact as a friend once mentioned, “Trust deficit” happens always and is a main factor in making us misjudge and conceive notions that may not even exist.

Well it is true to a certain extent, that as we grow older we tend to get cynical about things around us, especially if they break the ideal mould we have formed in our minds. But I feel we live only once and it needs to be led with a healthy mix of joys and woes, fun and drama, but above all with the heart to forgive and forget! As I go down the memory lane to those years at college, be it silly ego issues or mass bunking or for that matter that great festival we launched and is now nowhere to be seen, but of which I am proud of or long list of tests and presentations for which preparation happened just the night before, I experience a sense of belonging to an era and group of people who like me went through almost all these emotions yet maybe never got around putting a name to it or actually talking about it.

All those who shared the same era, with me, am sure would agree, that try as much, we cannot reach that pinnacle of bonding that we had during college days. Be it the simple gesture of sharing lunch boxes (though we were hungry always through our 100 min long law lectures), or assignments, test answers, the great ideas to make a mountain of a molehill, ‘healthy’ rivalry among groups (OMG that was so much prevalent, I used to wonder at times if I was in classroom or the parliament) and of course our dear professors and their problems.

Today we do bond, but we have other issues which are always at the back of our minds, and in the rat race we are in to (we are rats whether we win or lose) we seldom get an opportunity to sit back and have a carefree attitude towards life. Most of us have become cautious, in a way it is good that we have started taking responsibility of our actions, but somewhere along the line we have lost track of our dreams, aspirations (this applies to only those who had dreams and are currently doing different things) and creativity which flowed like the Brahmaputra during college days and is now like the Mithi overflowing only during monsoon.

I had certainly not envisaged my future (i.e. my present... I was only 20 then) to be the way it is today. My dreams and aspirations are far over the horizon, but I hope to reach there one day and when I do look back, will be able to see that a difference was made. Here I am standing at the threshold of moving in to another era of my life, lucky for me life has given another chance to make fresh choices. It’s true we can’t start afresh by changing the beginning but we can always make the ending different.

Grey depressing clouds gather over the horizon and as I look out from the window I see weak rays of the sun struggling to break through that dense mass and light up our lives as usual. The first warm rays fall on a building which was a second home to me and many of us. There is a steady stream of young people in to a structure that in a way helped me to be what I am today. With the National Anthem playing, I am transported back 20 years in to history!

As a four year old I trotted up the steps of my tin shed school and was overwhelmed just by the sheer size of the building. From a five member, 3 room home to a 500 members and 30 room new home the transition was humungous. Walking down the long corridor in a red checks uniform and wondering if I should cry too as so many others of my age were busy doing, I came to a class full of people, my age, and from varied background who would be with me (hopefully) till the end of twelve long years. Guess that day cemented the fact that my school was something I would always hold special in my memories irrespective of what happens in the coming twelve years.

Over the last decade of the twentieth century I saw my school, friends, classmates, teachers and myself blooming in different degrees. Be it our primary school when all we ever wanted to do was play and then play some more. I still remember all the beautiful epithets bestowed on us by our class teachers. They ranged from stupid to’ jungleee janaawars’. Guess they didn't want us to feel that we lacked education of all kinds. Well that was that...

Leaving behind childhood and moving in to preteens. Secondary school was fun as we got to learn what the future would eventually hold for us... Here I would like to add a line which is part of my memories that I had written for a friend...

Then came the horrid pre teens...where we looked hideous and not queens...
Those crushes and cat fights....and that poor guy... Who always never got it right...

Life did move on and I observed everyone around turning into beautiful swans from ugly ducklings, (Don’t take in to consideration our farewell pictures. We looked bad!) with a unique personality. Our second home was undergoing change too. The new building housed our classes and the old building was to be modernized so that it could house many more new students and help them in their path towards discovering life. The work began with the ushering of the new millennium.

Year 2001 was when I had to finally bid adieu to my second home and step in to a new world full of possibilities and yet without the protection of the huge umbrella which I was used to for twelve long years. I knew I would always miss those practical sessions in the lab or the sleeping sessions of history class, the funniest ever math lectures or for that matter the innumerable picnics, treks and camps .The huge playground which saw us play to our hearts content and where we won some lost some but always were there for each other when it counted the most. (It’s my ardent wish it was true for everyone).

The bell rings shaking me out of my reverie and the sun has risen high enough now to brighten the top floors of the newly added floors to the tin shed old building of the school. Our school structure is now 7 storeys high with huge windows bringing loads of positive energy and lights in to the lives of many. As I stare ahead at a brightly painted building and notice the changes the last decade has brought in, I understand the meaning of progress and my grasp over reality takes a step forward. I decide to move on as school days and their memories have the capacity to drown me in them forever. But I also know that I will return to them again, as each time I resurface, I bring with me a treasure of memories untold.